the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i now understand why vodka
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
