worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
