I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
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