last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she peed on how many people?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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