Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
