I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
