mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
