I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
