I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
