would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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