I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
