this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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