Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
