Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
