i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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