You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
of course. lets lasso hookers.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My liver just had a heart attack.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
