Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
