I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
