Duck Duck Cougar?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
