We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
