I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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