I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
