How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
