yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
