Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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