dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
