I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
