last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
