apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
