I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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