I should be sponsored by Trojan
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
