I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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