you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
