...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
birth control should be required to get into college
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
