I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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