omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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