You made me cry and you don't even care
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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