girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
