A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
