The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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