He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
