Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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