he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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