from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
