You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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