I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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