I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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