why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
