After last night, I could never be a politician.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
