This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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